07.06.17

THE ONE

i got into a conversation with a friend about knowing when you’re with “the one.” i’ve always wondered about the topic. i’m not sure i have the personality to exactly feel 100% about anything. i do know that i have felt when things aren’t right. or when i wanted them to be right and they just weren’t. and i know how i feel now…

when i think about my relationship now it’s pretty simple. we laugh constantly. we are weird together. both love a lazy weekend of eating and binge watching tv and tacos and bloody marys. we cook together. he’s constantly teaching me new things. we love to explore new places. we like being around people and entertaining. we are both driven and creative and appreciate similar things. overall, we have a lot of FUN together. he’s honest and genuine and has a huge heart. i know that for sure. i know that i have chosen to love someone who is GOOD.

sure, we argue. and we even had a pretty rough first couple of months. we are both opinionated, strong, stubborn as hell personalities. it’s not always clear who’s the alpha. i have abandonment issues that send me into a frenzy sometimes. we’re both moody and anxious. but at least we can understand each other, and talk about it freely. and make up quickly. now that i feel safe with him, my guard is down and being vulnerable is much easier. a few months ago we moved in together and that has made us even closer. i can really say he’s one of my very best friends. we are a normal, evolving couple with a bright future. at least i hope so.

it’s funny, before i met him (on tinder!) i remember talking with him in the app and thinking wow this is very easy and normal. he told me i was the kind of girl he would like to cook a meal with and i asked what are we makin? i was laying in bed and didn’t want to stop talking (which is rare in that app, most convos are booooring) i even told my best friend i had this weird feeling i was gonna marry this guy before our first date. who knew i would be living with him a year later.

so i’m not really sure how you know. or if that feeling will ever be clear to me. but it feels pretty good right now. my friends tell me i plan ahead too much and need to just live in the now. (true) what do you think? did you have that 100% this is IT feeling? i guess i’m feeling sap city today. xx bri

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19 COMMENTS

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    Kel says:

    I love this! You know you found the one when you don’t care if there might be a better fish out there, you want this one!

    Lee Ann says:

    i think ‘the one’ is who you make your home in. its a choice (many times over, forever!) to put your faith and love in another place other than yourself- and trust that they’ll hold it safe. you’ll fight, you’ll question, you’ll grow. but at the end of it all, you know you’ll always be able to return safely home.

    Meghan says:

    I knew my now-husband was ‘the one’ when we were discussing zombie apocalypse survival. He said he would die first, because he’d die saving me…then I’d die shortly thereafter…Accurate, and weirdly touching. And that’s when I knew! 😉 Love this post!

    Nora says:

    Loved reading this…especially when you said you, “have chosen to love someone who is good”.

    Twenty years ago this fall, as a naive college student, I found someone who astonished me with his goodness. He was just such a good person. We’ll celebrate our eighteenth wedding anniversary on August 6th.

    Sure, there have been some pretty awful arguments and a completely grumpy month here and there. Overall though, we have grown together and I am continually amazed that I get to experience the of the kind of love that he and I share.

    Amy V says:

    That’s so lovely 🙂 I think it’s normal to question things (or in my case over-analyse) but you definitely have a gut feeling and it’s usually always right. I met my husband while backpacking, supposedly just staying with my sister in New Zealand while earning enough money to move on. The first person I met was Alex, he was warm hearted and earnest and kind. Things moved so fast, we were living together within the month. He told me he was going to make me fall in love with him and I laughed. I told him I didn’t want kids – he’s 11 years older and I thought I owed it to him when we became serious to be straight. We became engaged on our 1 year anniversary, married after 3 years and now 8 years on we have a baby boy 🙂
    You never know where life will take you, but you know when you’ve met “the one” because you just stop looking.

    Maria says:

    My therapist once told me that you only find out who the love of your life is at the end of your life. It makes a lot of sense to me. I have OCD and it strikes me pretty hard with relationships, make me doubt and second guess every feeling I have which is pretty exhausting and sometimes just makes me want to give up. The only thing I can say is that when I’m with my boyfriend I’ve got a deep feeling under all the worries, doubts and anxiety that I belong there. That I’m where I’m supposed to be. What you’ve found is pretty great and special. Make it last 🙂

    Julia says:

    So happy to hear you´re in a good place right now! I don´t think we KNOW all the time, but if you are happy and feel safe, tha´s an enourmous indicative of true love

    nora says:

    Most of my life I did not believe in “the one” – even when I was in a 6 year relationship. A few months post that breakup I fell hard for someone at work. I said to a friend “If I ever date him, he is the man I’ll end up marrying.” It was just a feeling. I crazy in love feeling. Lucky for both us, we did end up dating, moving in together after a year, and have now been married for almost 5.

    Denise says:

    I needed this post right now. 2 months ago I met a boy (on tinder as well!!) and it’s been the best 2 months ever. In the past, I had always talked the guy up in my mind so much that I was practically ready to marry him before the first date. Then inevitably I would be disappointed when I found out he only wanted to hook up, or worse, would just ghost me after a few dates.

    This time I decided I wouldn’t put any expectations on what we would be or where we would go. This turned out to be my best decision ever. I didn’t feel any pressure to be someone I’m not or put too much effort into making sure he “stayed”. The guy I’m seeing is so kind, funny, smart…and like you said, he’s just so GOOD. He has a good soul. I can’t wait to see where it goes.

    I’m so incredibly happy for you that you’ve found the one that you trust completely and can be vulnerable and silly with. I hope that’s where my (very new) relationship is going. 🙂 Never stop having fun with each other.

    -Denise
    Insta: @denisesview

    jessica says:

    I always thought that people who “know” so soon were clearly crazy. Then I met my husband on OK Cupid. 4 months into our relationship, I got a job offer in Fiji and told him if he wanted to go with me we’d probably have to get married so they would pay his way and he was totally game. I knew if I went, I didn’t want to go without him. We ended up not going to Fiji but we did eventually get married and these past few years with him have been the best years of my life.

    Eva says:

    I remember the moment I met my (now) husband. It was Thanksgiving and he was a friend of my sister’s from college who lived in the UK and didn’t have anywhere to go for the holiday. The moment he walked in the door, we shook hands and I felt a little spark of something, like lightening when we touched. I was still hung up on an ex (who I tried to see that night) and thought it was so silly that I felt something. But conversations between us were easy. I was in a Michael Jackson skit for a theater class, and he taught me the moonwalk. The whole time he talked about buying flowers for my sister’s roommate when they went back to school in Boston (he wanted to date her) and I longed for someone to buy me flowers like that. I remember telling a friend that I “like loved him,” after having met him for only a few minutes, and rolled my eyes about it because I figured I’d never see him again.

    Now, here we are, 12 years later and just when I think I can’t love any deeper, I see him and savor every moment we have together. We’ve been dolled some rough cards over the past few years, but we’ve always grown together, grown stronger and more in love. We are total opposites in many ways, while being wildly similar and we always learn so much from each other. And despite working from home together for several years, and being around each other 24/7, we have never run out of things to talk about. The conversations are always easy.

    Anyway, it seems like I knew from that first moment, that there was a spark. Also, I’m probably feeling more mushy because it’s the one year anniversary of our civil ceremony! Haha!

    P.S. I loved reading everyone stories!! They’re so great!

    http://www.shessobright.com

    Rose says:

    How sweet – I remember the day I met my now husband – I was sitting on the train next to my best friend. I told her I’m marrying that guy…..
    38 years later we are still best friends (my husband & me)
    I feel the same way you do about having so much in common. He makes me laugh every day and I love this guy more then life itself.
    Be happy, love, laugh & always cook together.

    Laura says:

    When I started dating my hubby everything about being with him was just easy. I never second-guessed anything. I felt calm, confident and deeply secure in being with him.

    Shayna says:

    I don’t believe there is just one person for anyone. But I do think it is rare to find someone who makes you happy and can also stand the test of time and the struggles life throws at you. The measure of a lasting relationship lies more in how you deal with hardship together, because ultimately those are the times that break people up.

    Sarah says:

    Love this, and love reading all these love stories! I’m coming up on my first anniversary with my guy (we met on OKCupid) and it’s been so awesome this past year. He’s really not what I had imagined I’d end up with, or at least I wasn’t sure he was immediately but slowly it became clear to me that we are cut from the same cloth, we just get each other in a way I haven’t ever experienced before. It’s so lovely and I’m so excited about our future!
    BUT
    I actually have a bone to pick with the idea of “the one,” if only because I have witnessed two friends spend years withering in codependant, depressive and substance abusing relationships and I know that while there are many factors that play into these situations, one of the hardest factors for them to overcome was that at some point they had decided that these men must be their one, that it was all meant to be. Personally, I believe, even if we can’t choose who we love, we can choose who to walk the paths of life with, and for lots of people, that is not just one, but several along the way. Instead of just looking for the one, we should look for a good one 🙂

    China Mykal says:

    I met my husband five years ago and we almost married within 2 weeks. For different reasons, we did not and ended up breaking up for a few years… But the feeling never stopped or went away. Four years almost to the day, we were engaged and married within a month. I knew he was the one the second I laid eyes on him, and I know it now. I think its different for everyone! Just because that is how it worked for us, doesn’t mean I think is how it works for everyone! I am so happy to hear of the qualities you have found in this partner and this relationship. They certainly sound like the solid ones and the ones we all should hold on to! Cheers to you guys!

    It’s funny, because that feeling you’re talking about usually comes waaaaay before it’s normal to say it out loud. I had met my now-fiance at a friend’s party and we continued to chat (over Facebook haha!), and before we had our first official date, I remember thinking, I could love this guy. It felt crazy at the time, and now it feels like it was that feeling you’re talking about. It’s all in hindsight, but it’s always nice to see when your gut and instincts turned out to be right. Yay for love!!

    Julia says:

    Oh, Bri! I have a good feeling about this. Being able to be comfortable and at ease with yourself and your partner is everything. Like, you’re never ‘trying’, you just ARE. It sounds like you are there! Eeeek!

    xo Jules

    Seri says:

    Hey Bri
    I am so happy for the two of you! Feeling good is nice; feeling good with someone else is the best. For me, being able to be 100% myself – the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly, the smart and the silly, the strong and the fragile… – made me realise he was and is the one. I feel that he truly understands and *feels* me, our natures are alike. It is the most special feeling in the world…

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