02.27.15

10 THINGS / BEING HAPPY ALONE

disco

when i was younger i remember always wanting to be around people. my mom said one of my friends would leave after a sleepover and i would already be asking for the next friend to come over. i guess people have always been my safe space. i always felt bored, depressed or anxious when it was just me alone with my thoughts. i was never good at goodbyes and i hated when the fun came to an end. so imagine my fear when i ended up single and living alone. there were a few days there that the silence was unbearable. i would fill each evening with a social activity so i didn’t have to face it.

and then one day i realized. this IS my reality so i better learn to like it. or even love it.

and i’ve actually seen myself change over the past few months. slowly but surely. here’s a few things that helped…

1. created rituals for myself. i really like rituals or traditions in my life so i thought about ways that could bring me peace while i was feeling worked up or anxious about being alone in my house. my go-to was checking my phone (which really doesn’t help anything) so i made my own little safe space. my coffee table is full of candles, gifts from people i love, and good smelling oils. when i get home, i sit down on the couch and light the candles, maybe burn some sage. it always makes me feel happy to be home.

2. learn from my friends. the other day i stopped by a friend’s house because i knew she had a rough morning and i wanted to give her a hug. she had tears in her eyes at the door, but behind her there were all of these rainbows dancing on the walls because she hung up a bunch of crystal prisms in the window. she just said to me “hey, i’m trying.” those rainbows made her feel happy. or at least helped. it showed me that we are ALL just doing our best everyday. we are all going through something and need a little pick me up.

3. so what are my pick-me-ups? i was ready to figure that out. i love waking up naturally. no alarm clock freaking out in my ear in the morning. so recently i have given myself that luxury (when i can.) i usually wake up on my own at a fairly decent hour anyways, so i threw away the set the alarm for 7am and start working right away mentality. it wasn’t helping me. now i wake up around 8 or 9, my cat is always next to me in the same spot, and i feel a more relaxed energy put on my day.

4. start a series. okay so this is the embarrassing part of this post, but whatever. i was searching through netflix for something to watch one night and figured, what the hell i am going to see what this “gossip girl” show is all about. and if i like it, there’s 6 seasons to get addicted to! i did get into it, but i wouldn’t go around recommending this cheesy show to everyone i pass on the street. it’s really not very good. ha. but it’s mindless and sometimes i make myself a fancy margarita with agave, grapefruit and salt, sit down on the couch with my candles and watch a few episodes before i go to bed. because WHY NOT? (totally open to other netflix series with better material by the way. also i have a crush on dan.)

5. music for when my mind is going haywire. sometimes i totally feel the pressure of being a freelancer. keeping up with all of my responsibilities. conference calls, emails, meetings, planning, producing, showing up, being “on”, executing ideas, coming up with new ideas, being a good boss, being a good blogger. it can be a lot swirling around in my head and sometimes i just need something to calm me down. and since it’s not appropriate to drink wine all day, i downloaded this spa music on spotify (i guess i’m just gonna tell you all the cheesy things about me in one post) when my brain needs a break i try to just take some deep breaths and listen to it. it helps.

6. cook something new. the other night i made pasta carbonara with pancetta and peas. just for me. and i probably ate 4 servings. i like listening to ray charles and cooking something new. i want to try to do this more often. once i learn portion control.

7. take care of something. having my two cats bring me a lot of happiness. they are both so different but loving in their own ways. i think it can heal you to take care of something or someone else. even if it’s a house plant. which reminds me, i should go water mine.

8. keeping it clean. i am really not a very neat person. there is usually clothes on my floor in the bathroom and dishes in the sink. and i will definitely admit that having a house keeper every two weeks keeps me sane and is one of my splurges. but lately i have found that i enjoy keeping it clean in between visits too. zone out and wash the dishes. spend 5 minutes and pick up the clothes in my room and then go to work so i don’t come home to a messy environment. it’s just me here, i can’t make that much of a mess. and noticing that clean = happy and sticking to it.

9. remove the unhealthy habits. now that i have a lot of time to sit and think, i try to at least be productive with my thoughts. i think after a break up you can sit and torture yourself with thoughts and questions and wondering. luckily that phase seems to be almost gone completely. now i try to find something to look forward to, my trip, or planning a dinner party or photo shoot. i sometimes think about how breakups must have been so easy in the past, before the internet. you break up and maybe run into each other in person? now you have to see photos and wonder what life is like for that person. your mind can take you to a place of false reality and totally mess you up after seeing ONE photo or comment. it sucks, right? and it’s hard to stay away from. so one day i got smart and decided i was going to do my very best to cut out things that caused me pain on the internet. at least the things i could control. unfollow, block etc. maybe not for always, but it was the best decision for me then. at least if you make it harder for yourself to look, you can take a second and think about what you are about to do. how you are going to feel…

10. and lastly. learn to love me. this one is probably a much bigger journey. but i have started it. each night before i go to sleep i try to think of a reason to be proud of myself. considering my anxiety issues, sometimes even checking the mail can seem like a victory. so maybe that day i will tell myself “good job for checking the mail, i know that was hard.” or “that photo shoot came out just how you wanted to, nice one.” big or small. it doesn’t matter. like i said, we ALL have our struggles and quirks. but we all also have things to be proud of ourselves about. so start patting yourself on the back.

thanks for listening. that was a lot, huh? i know i am not the only one with good ideas for this type of situation. and i would love to hear your little ways of finding happiness alone…do tell? -bri

112 COMMENTS

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    Ashlina says:

    I love this article beauty! I find myself on the same path….and I’m a vampire diaries watcher.
    Sending you hugs
    Xoxo
    Ashlina

    kim boswell says:

    I have told you so many times – HATHA YOGA!!! It has been the number one thing that has changed my anxiety. I have bad anxiety. Like, can’t even leave the house sometimes. Hatha Yoga really just made it easy. I can’t explain how, but it did. I really wish you would try it! Find a great yogi teacher because it really makes the difference, and in LA where classes are huge and crowded, try to find a more private experience. Sit in on a few classes and see which ones speak to you. I know it would benefit you!!!!!

    Laura says:

    I’ve been watching Gossip Girl too! Every episode is exactly the same, but i’ve been using it as background mindless tv while I learn to code and paint my nails. Oh dan…

    Ashley says:

    After my 2year relationship ended I stopped going on FB. I thought it would be hard but it wasn’t. Tinder was also a big help;) it’s an ego boost if nothing else.

    conny says:

    i loved this post!!

    Jessica says:

    This is awesome! Thank you so much for being so candid. I too used to always need to be with people as well. Not a moment went by where I would let myself be alone with my thoughts, because it would always cause anxiety. It took a lot of time to get to a place where I am really happy being alone. I now enjoy being alone a lot more than with people 🙂 so I need to find that happy medium, but it’s so nice knowing that no matter what happens in life I will have myself to spend time with and enjoy it, which makes things a little less scary!

    Morgan Denno says:

    Bri, these help me so much! I’d definitely recommend them to you: http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

    Emily says:

    Sounds like you are doing a lot of good healthy things for yourself, that is awesome!

    I’d recommend Broad City, if you haven’t watched it – and Call the Midwife is surprisingly good!

    jen says:

    I take a nap most Friday afternoons. In fact, I’m getting ready to take one now! I’m a realtor so I work on weekends. Realtors often don’t have days off. So Friday afternoons, I try to nap. I’d say 75% of the time I get to take one. When I wake up, I feel relaxed and ready to face a busy work weekend. There’s nothing better than snugging in bed in the middle of the day. It feels illicit!

    amanda says:

    Gilmore Girls is my current Netflix obsession. XO

    Alicia says:

    I can relate to every part of this post, and I thank you for it. My friends know me well so when I do decline an invitation, it’s almost like they give me a pat on the back for respecting what I need. I’ve learned mindfulness meditation is an amazing practice to start. It can be a ritual (5-10 minutes when you get home every night instead of a glass of wine… yet), and it’s also a good go to tool for when your thoughts are getting kindof out of control. Thanks so much for this post! xo-Alicia

    so much wisdom in here, bri. i think we would all be a lot happier/calmer/more content if we took self-care more seriously. i’m married, but my husband and i both travel a lot for work and when i’m at home alone, i also do some of these things. my netflix recommendation is felicity 🙂

    nora says:

    This is really wonderful. After ending a 6 year relationship, I made it my mission to sit at bars alone and eat at restaurants alone. It felt SO weird at first but I ended up loving it and I really do feel it changed me as a person. Even though I’m married now, I still do this sometimes. When I was pregnant I’d take myself “on dates” to places like Balthazar and eat escargot and french onion soup at the counter. It seems like you’re growing and learning about yourself, you go, Bri!

    After social events, I always need to go back home, crash, and recover. I need this time alone, but I always feel bad for having it, and I guess part of the reason might be because I don’t know how to spend it. Usually I just lie in bed and do random things on the Internet, and afterwards I feel like I’ve wasted so much time, which I have. Thanks for sharing your ritual for being alone! Maybe I can adopt some of your ideas and embrace my alone time as well 🙂 -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s

    Brooke says:

    thank you for all the sharing! You should be proud of yourself for this! When I get stressed out during the workday, similar to your spa music, i listen to this amazing yoga channel on YouTube, called Eckhart yoga. I’ve only followed along to her classes a few times, but just listening to her voice makes me feel so calm! I feel totally silly that I’m listening to yoga, but I love it.

    maria anne says:

    I don’t now if you’ve already seen it, but United States of Tara is one of my all-time favorite series. I recommend it to everyone! Toni Collette is so good. It’s only 3 seasons so it won’t take up TOO much of your time!

    You keep it real, lady, and that’s why I love following you!

    varsha says:

    This on was really candid ! i love reading your personal posts.. they have inspired me in so many ways in my blogging journey. I am not ashamed to admit , I have seen all the six seasons of gossip girl..used to watch it while working from home .. The only things i liked were their wardrobes n houses ( blair’s upper east side penthouse and dan’s brooklyn loft). I totally love murder mysteries too! ( agatha christie -ms. marple and hercule poirot ) they are on netflix. and BRI – you have to watch Sherlock with benedict cumberbatch if you havent already. Another guilty pleasure is ating frozen meals ( lean cuisine / smart one’s ) which dont look anything like the pic on the box and send my sodium levels for a toss but i still like eating them

    Toby says:

    I went through a very similar experience about 4 years ago. It was very difficult, but actually a lot of the things you are doing are the same things that helped me. First was cutting off internet communication (huge help), I watched Grey’s Anatomy, and cooking was a challenge I decided to tackle. Just those few things helped me keep my sanity and made me a happier person.

    Also, living along can be very empowering. It is scary, absolutely, but it does give you the chance to learn more about yourself and become more independent.

    I love that you post your experiences like this – I think so many people can relate or learn something that just might help them! And by the way, I was obsessed with Chuck Bass 🙂

    Anna says:

    Bri, thank you. It’s been 4 months now of being single. I just ended a 7 year relationship and have been so up and so down. It’s exhausting. The social media aspect of it really does make it hard. I’m definitely starting a new series! That’s a great idea. Reading these 10 things really hit home. Thank you.

    Happy Friday.

    J says:

    Oh girl, I totally relate to this. At a point in my life where I am figuring out what I ACTUALLY want to do with my career/future, and if that wasn’t tough enough, a recent break up. These all speak to me pretty loudly, and I feel I can totally relate to you. The gym saves my soul, seriously. I am so happy when I’m there. Eating well makes my body and my mind feel way better. Reading is like therapy. I also like to keep as clean a home as I can, it’s just so much better for your sanity. I love the candle idea, need to keep on top of that. I sleep when I’m tired. I love going on walks alone and going to markets and stuff (way too cold right now). I also have two cats and I love them to pieces. I paint. I see my friends. I have parents I talk to often. It all really helps. I need to be kinder to myself and think about all the good things I’m doing, I’m often really hard on myself. Thanks for the post!

    J says:

    Oh and for shows, have you watched House of Cards? A new season is coming out soon, it’s so good! Transparent is a great show too. GIRLS is amazing. New Girl is always hilarious. 🙂

    Anonymous says:

    Such a good post! Thanks for sharing.

    Valerie says:

    I’ve been single for about seven years (after a pretty short relationship & my only one) so being alone has always been my norm. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this – you’re definitely not alone in hoe you feel but I’ve never understood being used to being “we.” I can judge people whoneed to be around others a lot and this totally put me in my place! You’re right – we’re all just trying to do our best. Just because all I know is being single doesn’t mean I don’t have my insecurities about my lack of a love life & I should make it a habit to pat myself on the back when I’m having a rough day. Thanks again, girl!

    Mason Jar says:

    Volunteering and being of service is also an amazing way to get outside one’s grief. It’s done me wonders and gives me a mental vacation to help others. Good luck with your new journey. You are not alone.

    Mollie says:

    Having a Netflix series helps with life in general. Speaking of which I need a new one. I have the Jimi Hendrix doc on my list!

    jesse says:

    I love you so much.

    Anonymous says:

    So many days my social self seems to die little inside because of loneliness but like you, I’m learning how to live my best life in my situation and I’m enjoying discovering new parts of myself that I didn’t even know were there whenever I was around all my friends. Life is such a journey and it’s both a gift and a curse to get to figure out who we are and what makes us happy. Oh and I totally recommend Gray’s anatomy on Netflix. Best show I’ve watched in a while!

    Gillian says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this! Sometimes it can feel like you are the only single gal spending nights alone. I love to try new recipes and make myself a fancy dinner with Netflix. Lately I’ve gotten really into Parenthood and Parks and Rec.

    mary says:

    <33!
    Gilmore girls is my go to series to watch when I'm having a bad day. I own the dvds (but its also on netflix) Light and happy show! Also started watching Call the midwife on netflix.
    I buy myself flowers (especially in the winter months!!) I your points on making your space happy and clean. I have a boyfriend but I relate to this post as I too deal anxiety issues
    Relatable post. Thank you for being open and honest! <3!

    Amy says:

    Love this post, girl! If you haven’t watched Friday Night Lights or Parenthood – I definitely recommend those! Keep holding your head high. You are such an inspiration to me. 🙂

    Anonymous says:

    My husband and I had to live in different cities for 8 months (after being together for 5 years, and living together for 3), so that was a huge change for us. I am a freelance designer and work from a home studio, and I found it really difficult to be alone in our shared space.

    Our situation was complicated, and a lot of things were thrown at us all at once, which made it particularly hard to deal with.

    So what did I do?

    I too kept my schedule super full. I made plans every day with friends, spent more time with my family in the suburbs, picked up A LOT of extra work… At the time I was also planning our wedding, so that kept me busy too. We also have a dog, and he was my partner in crime for those 8 months.

    But most of all, yoga made the whole experience bearable. It taught me to be alone, and cherish those moments of quiet. To make space. To open my heart. To let in the light at a time when things seemed dark (life just wasn’t going our way – it’s a long story). Connecting movement and breath, and recognizing how it Yoga has truly made the journey of self-love accessible. Whether it’s a home practice, or in the studio – I suggest you give it a try. It will change everything.

    Peace love and groovieness,

    Alex

    Ang says:

    I recently went through a divorce after 15 years of marriage. Yikes. Ouch. Unbearable. But finally time passes, you know? I’ve done a few things that you mentioned, but one huge thing I did was to fulfill a life-long dream of mine, that has nothing to do with my job. Train to be a flying trapeze artist! I fly 2-3 times a week, and it’s been pretty amazing. It’s something I do just for me, keeps me fit, helps me interact with people (when all I want to do is lay in bed), clears my mind, and I get to do flips in the air! It’s also freaking scary to learn a new trick, so facing those fears up there helps me face fears in real life, and all that self-help crap 🙂

    So glad to hear you’re settling into your new life. It’s super tough to go through such a life change, but you’re doing great! Keep it up, girl! Totally excited about your big trip, too. Perfect thing for you to do.

    xoxo

    Jessica says:

    i lived alone for five years and it drove me crazy to have no one to talk to so I made a point to call my family more. It strengthened my relationship with my parents and even some friends who had moved away. I would also take books to a bar to read so I was alone in a crowded room. Now that I live with my fiancé and our dog I have found that when he’s at school or work and I’m home taking the dog for daily walks keeps me less anxious because I’m not sitting around lurking the Internet. Speaking of which, it’s time to walk the dog. It’s refreshing to read your honesty about being alone because it can be difficult at times. Stay posi Bri!

    Stafford says:

    seems like everyone swears by yoga! I recently started “yoga with adriene” which is free on YouTube. She’s hilarious and makes the whole yoga thing a little less cheesy for me. Plus it’s all from the privacy of my own home and I don’t need fancy yoga clothes! Doing the dishes to good music and cleaning in general usually help a lot. You should totally try baking, too!!

    Kim says:

    Thank you, love this!

    Meghan says:

    my boyfriend of 8 years and I are on a break right now. It has been super hard to be by myself and I found most of these things has really helped me too! The most important one for me is writing when I get upset or really lonely in bed at night and can’t sleep. I usually hate writing or just reading in general but so many thoughts and questions go through your head that you feel like you’re going crazy at times. I also decided to wake up early enough every day so I have time to actually style my hair and wear a complete outfit instead of yoga pants to go to school or work. the next thing I have to do is start EATING and cooking!!! Good luck, love your posts!

    Sarah Alves says:

    Oh, Gossip Girl. I love shows like that (I recently started up Pretty Little Liars). They are such good escapes! Keep watching… Dan will surprise you!

    You know you love me – xoxo, Gossip Girl

    aka Sarah 🙂

    Maureen says:

    Being single can sometimes be the best time of your life. I completely agree with these points and they can be different for everyone. After a series of bad relationships, I found that I was happier being alone and learned more about myself than I would otherwise. Plus you get to do whatever the heck you want to!
    Binge watching a series can seriously be the best thing 😉

    This was so wonderful to read. My life is in a completely different place than yours, but I still feel the need to be mindful of how I’m living and what I allow my mind to think about. I think we all do. I’ve recently made an effort to spend more time doing the things that bring me joy, and less time worrying about the things that stress me out. I’m also facing fears/things I don’t like head on — finances, important paperwork, etc. The longer I let them sit unattended, the more stress builds up. When I do things right away, I feel SO much better. Then I can pour a glass of wine and blog or pick up my camera and go outside. Good luck with your rituals, Bri. Sounds like you’re on the right path!

    Brittany says:

    I loved this post. It’s just nice to know that there are other people out there going through the same or similar things as you. Makes the world feel less empty. I live alone and I’m in the early stages of building my own brand, and while it’s exactly what I wanted, it’s very lonely sometimes. I like to go for drives, listening to music, which no matter what state of mind I’m in, picks me up. And while the quiet in your home might be tough, take time to listen to it and consciously appreciate it. Quiet is really so rare, and it’s so important to know how to be by yourself. Sounds look you’re off to a pretty good start 🙂 Thank you for your thoughts.

    Yes! I TOTALLY feel you girl, and I’m with you on the breakup stuff and the rituals… down to the need for pasta portion-control! I second the Gilmore Girls suggestion, because it’s nice to see smart, lovely, strong, and real women characters on the screen.

    Alexis says:

    Hello, Bri! This is such a lovely, honest post. Thank you 🙂 I had to chime in to second the other yoga/meditation comments! It seems like you’re already getting me time down anyway, but I’ve found so much comfort in dropping into all that beautiful star stuff that’s inside of us too. So much love to you. <3

    ombia says:

    I don’t feel well if I am too much with people, like at work for 8-9-10 hours then after work going out, then weekend etc. I just need to have many quiet hours for me. It took me a lot to realize this since I am actually an extrovert big time.
    I was married for more then 10 years and it took me some months to get used to live single again – all that being an expat. I would say if one is still not o.k. with his status after a year a good old therapy could help.
    Volunteering of all kinds helps too.
    I also think that before internet life was much harder, now you do have 24/7 interesting stuff to read, watch or do online.;-)

    Julie says:

    Thank you so much for making this post. I am myself have been going through a break up and it so much harder then I could have ever thought possible. Following your personal stories is really helping me. It makes me feel less alone and I find it comforting knowing that I’m not the only one dealing with these types of emotions. I also find all of your remedies inspiring and would like to come up with some to help myself. Again, thank you. Reading this has already made me feel much better.
    <3

    Donna says:

    Being alone in your 20s is totally different than it is in your 30s. At least in your 20s you can still count on your friends to hang at the drop of a hat. By the time you’re in your 30s ppl are so busy with their careers and families (and who can blame them?) that if you find yourself single it can be very lonely. And it’s more difficult to make new friends the older you get. Don’t mean to be bad vibes, just feel a bit lost.

    Mekeesha says:

    Great post! Your real and personal posts are always my favorite. I’m glad you are finding the happiness and peace you deserve. 🙂

    Mishka says:

    Love this post. Stay strong girl! This is the album I listen to when it feels like everything sucks:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmrnOGvaTKI

    xoxo

    Melissa says:

    Pretty Little Liars is a good Netflic binge!

    maggie says:

    I always love your more personal posts, Bri, and I think these are amazing, healthy things you are doing for yourself! I also love surrounding myself with candles and good scents (probably why I make them, I suppose) and there is absolutely nothing wrong with watching a semi-trashy television show. I fully intend on spending a majority of my weekend watching House of Cards.

    Stay strong, lady!

    maggie
    http://www.shopean.etsy.com

    caroline says:

    beautifully written. i never did the alone thing and kind of regret it at times. im so happy that you are attempting to find joy in it. the music and food making is the best <3

    Cintia says:

    My photography is my happiness 🙂 always looking forward to find inspirations.

    Shayna says:

    HOUSE OF CARDS on Netflix is AMAZING. Also, Mad Men if ou haven’t seen it yet

    Ursula says:

    Thank for sharing your heart with us! I’m in a loneliness period, but surrounded by people… Doesn’t make any sense right? I love my husband, and stay home with my three kiddos, (who are growing fast!) But I’m in a season of so much change, my BFF moved away, my church shut down and I don’t have much adult conversation with girlfriends. I keep telling myself, this is a season, and I will have friends to do life with… Thank you again for your honesty! And I agree with the post above: “House of cards” is just GOOD!

    Ariane says:

    Thank you, so very much, for sharing your thoughts/feelings/ideas. It is refreshing, always, to know that we are not alone in this.

    As someone currently going through a very similar situation, I wholly understand the balance of wanting to be alone/wallowing vs. finding solace in those moments. Finding strength. Evolution. Calm. I am 32 and while typically feeling very sure of oneself, have felt very lost as of late. It’s quite the mindfuck, pardon my French, though always provides some perspective. Your insight, hopeful nature and free spirit provides a beautiful perspective. Here’s to all of us that are perhaps in limbo, seeking truth, moving onward and upward into the next chapter of life. . .

    Wonderful post, Bri 🙂 Its nice to hear you are doing better. We all here worry behind the scenes.

    I might have taken it to an extreme but I used to be unable to go to bed without nice music on… so I would feel like there is always someone singing or talking beside me.

    **Once, I slowly woke up to a soft, calming song “Cloud number 9 -Bryan Adams” and it made me smile, that’s when I knew, its getting better.

    ** I also starting thinking about all the things I did as a kid, what my dreams I had before meeting certain people, certain things that perhaps they never new that are actually a big part of my life. For instance, I used to love to ice-skate and was very good at it, I used to LOVE to go to the movies and have Caramel popcorn. I thought of the times when it was just me, my mom and my sister and that made me smile.

    I knew there was more to me then just that relationship.

    Hope this was not boring and somehow helpful.

    A stranger who cares.

    Sophie says:

    I like reading. I just finished Pretending You Care, which was humorous. And The Orphan Master’s Son, which was a pretty epic novel and a mental exercise to get through.

    Mehwish says:

    This is uplifting ! keep it up 🙂

    Erika says:

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. Congrats on being brave.

    XO!

    Haley says:

    This is one of my favorite posts you have ever done. Happiness takes so much bravery and effort. It’s a beautiful thing to relate in the struggle and victory. Sending you some love!

    Chy Parker says:

    I so needed this. The other day I was frantically trying to tidy up the entire house for a dinner party that night and I had SO much to do that I sort of lost it and felt this overwhelming anxiety kick in and was about in tears.. Then out of the corner of my eye I remembered I bought flowers and they needed to be put in water. As I took them out of their packaging and trimmed them etc, I began arranging them in various jars and bottles and it was so therapeutic. All my stress just melted away and I realized that I could do this. I think it’s those little moments of joy like that. They really help ease my mind when I get lost.

    xo chy

    Casey says:

    Being able to do thinks/wear things/decorate the way you like also makes single feel better. I have my own art corner which I turn to if I’m feeling lonely or low with paints and music and I usually paint something for my a friend or family member. This might sound sad to some haha but I love it actually as I’m able to feel my mood change from dark into light x

    Keri says:

    Thanks for this, I am exactly the same way! NETFLIX REC: BROAD CITY!! It’s sooo funny!

    Taryn says:

    all such great things for us each to work on. even being married, i need to remember these things to help my own mental health! by the way, i recently watched “lost” on netflix (for the same reason—i had 6 whole seasons to get I to it!) and LOVED it. add it to your list.

    Mel says:

    Will love you always for your continued insight and honesty. I’m still trying to allow myself to untangle from past hurts, but have also found really fun freedom in finding little ways to take care! We’re constantly having to regroup with peace again and again, and being some years behind you, I love getting to look up to you for both your work and your heart. <3

    Mika says:

    I’m a “never commenter”, but had to say you have officially won my heart over for my favorite blogger. Not only do you inspire with your design aesthetics, workshops, and overall creativity; you have managed to turn me into following you not only for the former, but for being a vulnerable, honest, HUMAN being. Thank you, Bri, for sharing so much of your heart, and helping to connect us with the parts of us that make us human.

    Kim Rak says:

    taking time to be outdoors with my bassadore 🙂 (Gilmore Girls, great acting, easy/light story)

    soccer says:

    Little did she know that three years later, when she was just 15, she would be
    called up for the United States national women. And this
    law of game codified in England by the football association in 1863.
    t quite manage to do that, be it for the National Hockey League,
    the country.

    lavivavera says:

    Hi Bri,
    I am following you since forever and I totally admire you and your work and all of your creative ideas. You are like my role model and when you post such a posts like this one is, I admire you even more. And now I realized maybe I should tell you that in the comments more often.
    Please, don’t waste your energy about thinking of ex boyfriend, you will see, there will come a special person who will change your life upsidown 😉 and he will come when you won’t expect him 😉
    And in the meantime enjoy your single life because it will really be short.

    P.S.: have you seen the HBO show Bored to death? It’s so amazing, funny and it will always makes you laugh! It’s so much better than gossip girl 🙂

    Vera says:

    I LOVE the idea of ending the day with thinking of a reason to be proud of yourself. It’s so easy to just fall asleep all stressed and thinking about all the things you have to do. I’ll definitely be trying that one for myself! What helps for me is rewarding myself after I’ve done something that was hard for me to do. Buy those shoes I’ve been wanting for so ling, give myself half a day off, or just treat myself to some lovely coffee at one of my favorite places. That really helps me ‘like’ myself too. I loved reading this, Bri! Thanks so much for opening up to us.

    Ashley says:

    Reading this was like remembering my own exact childhood. I actually said, ‘Woah!’ when I read the part about ‘being alone with your own thoughts.’ I use that phrase constantly as an explanation for my own anxiety! It’s funny how similar people on the opposite sides of the country or world can be (hi from DC!). Thank you for opening up a dialogue about mental health! And Grey’s Anatomy will suck you in faster than a Dyson. Yoga is great, too, because you learn about controlling your breathing, which has had a noticeable effect on the intensity of my panic attacks when I remember to breathe deeply and slowly through the nerves!

    S says:

    i just suddenly found myself in the exact position and this has been really helpful and inspiring. just simply wanted to say thank you for sharing. <3

    Stacy says:

    Wow…thank you for posting this. It really spoke to me. -xx

    olga says:

    Bri, I’ve been following you for a few months now. I wanted to open a blog for my designs and wanted to design the blog itself on my own. I went through hundreds of lifestyle and design blogs and did not follow anyone except you. You are very inspiring and unique, and I can totally relate (I’m living alone, have a demanding job..and a cat :)).
    here are some of my tips:
    1. Watch “Masters of sex” series. Is is sooo good!
    2. Make a small change in your house, like move the furniture a little…or reorder something (not too big). It makes me feel like there is something new in my place.

    Jillian Carlson says:

    Last year I was broken up with TWICE by the same person that I was deeply in love with. I moved across the country and was left alone with no friends outside of my job. It was hard and it shattered my world. I also knew it was my reality and that I wanted to be different and I wanted to stop crying and I needed to become the person I always wanted to be; a strong woman who loves herself. I spent the last few months of 2014 thinking of ways to enjoy the silence and now I can safely say that I prefer to be alone instead of with people- which never used to be the case! Every night before bed I would write down the 3 things that i was the most grateful for from the day and every morning when I woke up I wrote down my intentions for the day; big or small, it didn’t matter. If my intention for the day was the smile more, do the dishes and take a shower- so be it. I started to indulge in the things i loved to do, as opposed to trying to be a people pleaser. Reading this post made me happy to know that I wasn’t the only one trying to figure things out and that some of these things on your list are the same as mine and some are new things to try. I appreciate what you do and all of the thought that went into this. Thank you 🙂

    Lindsey says:

    Bri! I really respect your honesty. I know what you are going through. Have you heard of the Five Minute Journal app? I think you would really benefit from it! 🙂

    Aw, Bri. I love how candid you are with your readers! I actually really love being alone, to the point where it feels like a flaw sometimes so it’s interesting to read the other side. As Charles Bukowski said, “People empty me. I need to get away to refill.”

    On another note, have you read Adulting by Kelly Williams Brown? I just started it and it’s full of tiny tips that reminded me of some of your points.

    As always, you inspire me! Happy Saturday xox

    Dakota Barber

    Meaghan says:

    I really enjoyed this post! It is hard to figure out what routines you need to make to get through the week in a positive attitude. I switched to a new job in September and it totally blew me away. I had panic attacks and I lost weight and looked just terrible. After finding a routine, I have managed to make my nights at home relaxing so I can get ready for the next day. I buy candles, look at pretty things online, make cookies, drink homemade lattes- and we just got a dog. I really appreciate you putting yourself out there and sharing. Thank you!

    Liliana says:

    Loved your post so much, it was exactly what i needed! And it’s amazing how even reading the comments from all these ppl from all around feels like i’ve been talking to friends almost. We are all on the same boat. I feel very encouraged to keep going on this journey of getting to know myself and loving myself before getting into a new relationship. Will definitely try your tips. I am also a yoga-lover and my guilty pleasure : MINDY PROJECT <3

    carissa shapiro says:

    Bri! Love this post, love your honesty, love your bravery. We may not be in the same places in life but it doesn’t matter. Thank you for just sharing and being so open. It’s noticed and it’s appreciated!! xoxox hugs Also-Mindy Project for sure!

    Lindsay says:

    Great post, keep it up girl! You’ve got this!

    Joy Lorenzo says:

    Thanks for this much needed post. Keep it up!

    Jenna says:

    I’m married, so I don’t live alone, but some of this still totally applies. I think it does for anyone that’s introverted or struggles with anxiety, because even if there are people around, you can still feel totally alone. I’m definitely with you on the Netflix and the cooking. And I’m SO desperate to get a pet (our landlord won’t let us). Dog-sitting for my parents’ dog just makes me so happy.

    Bella says:

    I adore this post, letting go of what hurts us and holding onto what makes us happy is an integral part of moving on in life and growing as a person. I’ll definitely be doing no.10 and sharing that idea with others.
    Thank you for this really open and honest post!:)
    PS:American Horror Story

    Allie Mackin says:

    Funny I have never had a problem with alone time. In fact being around other people all the time makes me anxious. And I am neat dishes in the sink drives me crazy. I was brought up in a very strict no time for plat household but the neatness also comes from that I feel it makes one more productive.

    Allie of
    ALLIE NYC

    Christina Gliati says:

    Love all you say!!! I also live alone, do the same things you say and I am happy!
    Go ahead, you are in the right way!
    Oh and watch some CSI and Dexter too !!!

    Kaelyn says:

    #2. So moving and so relatable. Thanks for sharing.

    Mia says:

    Thank you so much for this beautiful read, Bri. I’ve been a fan for a few years now and am always amazed at how “perfect” you, your blog, and your life seem to be. This post was so relatable and made me see you in a new light – not that I delight in your struggles (I’m in the same boat!) but it’s just so much more inspiring to see your fragility along with your beauty. It’s so beautifully human – I hope that makes sense. PS – Watch Jane the Virgin!

    rm says:

    Thank you for writing this post – and thanks to everyone else for the suggestions. I am in a similar place: painful ending of a 6 years relationship and not used to being alone. In fact, feeling alone and lonely is my biggest fear, so I am facing a huge challenge these days.
    I also found out that I like keeping my house clean and tidy (which was a little more difficult with someone else around). And, like someone said before, having a hobbie or doing something you always wanted to try are great ways to avoid thinking about those sad facts over and over and feeling sorry for yourself. Series and cats are great ways to distract our minds. My cat got so close to me these days, always following me around and purring when I touch her (she was not like that at all before).
    Wish you all the best and I am sure you will be stronger and happier sooner than you expect. Just be patient 🙂

    Bailey says:

    I love this type of post from you, thanks for sharing.

    Briana says:

    Love/hate Gossip Girl. And Dan …❤️
    Thanks for sharing. Rituals make all the difference

    Theresa says:

    Pretty Little Liars!!! Although it can be a little scary if you are a wimp like me. But I’m so addicted. Gilmore girls is my other favorite right now. Thank you for being honest. You help a lot of people with your honesty.

    Christina says:

    Bri, thank you for keeping it real. You don’t know how much I needed to read this just now, it’s been one of those afternoons. We ARE all just doing the best we can each day- some days it’s easy to forget that. These checking-in posts are my favorite part of this awesome blog space of yours. Please keep them coming.

    leanne says:

    wow what a post, it’s so nice to read something so honest!! i find happiness in nature… walking or going for a run in the bush. gazing out at the ocean. watching a fairy floss pink sunset.
    hmm and i’ve finally just watched girls.. maybe gossip girl is next? or pretty little liars…?
    but learning how to meditate is also doing wonders at the moment too.
    thanks again bri xx

    MeryRocket says:

    I like a lot your post! Kisses from Barcelona (Spain)

    I LOVE this post. Such good tips for self-care! Thanks for sharing Bri 🙂

    Molly | TLP says:

    Kinda cheesy but super addicting – The vampire Diaries!

    Loved this post Bri!

    Melissa says:

    You are such an inspiration lovely lady. Life can get tough for us all. Thanks for sharing x

    Mary says:

    Hey there! I recently discovered your blog and I already love it.This post was crazy honest, so thanks for that, it was a brave thing. As you said, we all struggle, my “getaway” kind of thing was smoking a cigarette and listening to music. But as that is very bad for my health and pocket it is over.
    I discovered to pretty good substitutes for that: running when it’s almost dark and dancing by my self. I know this last one may sound a bit lame, but seriously, try it. It frees your mind, the music you love is in the background (usually for me, it’s Marvin Gaye) and you let go. You produce endorphines with dancing, and that makes you happy.

    P.S. If you’re looking for a new series, check out Scandal.

    Casey says:

    Good for you! I really appreciate and enjoy these deeply personal and honest posts of yours. I don’t even know you but I feel proud of you! You asked for suggestions about alone time and rituals– I would add that it’s ok to change them up. Don’t be sad if something “isn’t working anymore” one day. It doesn’t mean your doomed to never relax again, haha! Also, sometimes when I’m in a slump, I’ll do something I really enjoyed while traveling. For example, I’ll make myself an elaborate cup of mint tea in the afternoon just like I had in Morocco every day. The joys and inspiration and stimulus you feel when traveling can totally be channeled at home!

    Chrystina says:

    I’m currently in the two weeks between roommates. One has moved out, the other hasn’t moved in it. I’m dating somebody, but he’s out of the country on a business trip for a few weeks, so that leaves just me. And goodness gracious I hate every second of it. I’m going to try my hand at creating rituals, that sounds like a good way to look forward to something. Also, definitely watched Gossip Girl all the way through and loved every second of it. Then I moved to Gilmore Girls, then Jessie (a Disney sitcom for like 12 year olds), and now I’m watching How I Met Your Mother – television works wonders. I feel safer when I can get involved in other people’s lives through the show.

    Ashley says:

    thanks so much for an inspiring post!

    Thank you for sharing this with us. It was lovely & brave & really good to read. xoxo

    Hilliary says:

    I’m naturally a really anxious person too, and after a break up and being alone in an apartment for the first time in a long time, I knew I needed to read this… I left it open on my browser for weeks, because even thinking about reading it made me more anxious.
    I read it tonight. and maybe it’s silly, but knowing someone else is watching a ridiculous mindless show (I’m watching Pretty Little Liars) and playing with their cat and telling themselves they did a good job at the end of day made me feel a lot better. a lot a lot.
    its funny how the smallest little posts or articles or whatever can make your day better, and really turn things around for you

    Emmy says:

    You make living on your own sound wonderful! This was lovely to read, as I too struggle with being on my own and thinking of things to do that DON’T involve looking at my phone. I just bought an colouring book for grown ups – look them up on Amazon, there are so many with beautiful illustrations – and I like to sit and do that when I have time. Back to pen and paper and so therapeutic! xx

    Abilu says:

    Lovely. Thanks so much for sharing. I am always looking for new ways to cope with life and enjoyed your list. Have you read Brene Brown’s work on “numbing”? I found it so helpful to sort out the positive and negative ways I cope. Thanks again!

    Anonymous says:

    This was a great way to do something tangible when you feel a little lost.
    Thank-you for a great post.
    And I watched Gossip Girl just for the outfit and hair ideas.

    Heather says:

    This is a good list. I never have felt the real pull towards other people, but I still think it’s a good thing to pay attention to yourself when you are alone, because sometimes you can learn a lot about yourself when you pay attention to yourself when you are alone, instead of just being alone to be alone. Great thoughts!

    annie rocchio says:

    i moved to a cabin on a river at the age of 33. best thing i ever did to learn to be alone. i use to wait for people to have adventures, when i figured out how to be able to do them alone, i opened up a whole new world. more power to you lady. i feel you on so many levels of anxiety, life, etc. nice to read this. good luck to you.

    Hey Sweet Pea 🙂 I’m so sorry you’re going through a tough time. I’m right there with ya, with all of it. I admire your bravery and for writing such a raw, honest post. I went through a horrific breakup about a year ago (and then a second time over Christmas) but at one point in my grief, wrote this post about all the things that helped me through it… Maybe you’ll find some of them helpful, too 🙂 http://covetliving.com/wise-words/how-to-help-someone-through-a-breakup/

    Big hugs to you!
    Steph

    Janette says:

    Loved this post. THank you for sharing…I’m in the same boat. And a really random but funny/mindless netlix series – – Don’t trust the B—in apt 23. 🙂

    Victoria says:

    OH NO!! Give Gossip Girl more of a chance lol the first season sucks but it gets better I promise lol

    This was a good read for me because I don’t like being alone and go thru these huge phobias of being alone forever. I’m a very anxious person that over plans everything but it’s not always good because sometimes I can’t control events in life, like serious heart breaks, but I’m going to create a list and routine to being okay with being alone.

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