08.15.12

HAPPY COUPLE SOLUTION OR?


my friend told me that one of the keys to a happy relationships is separate closets. we moved into a place that is booming with storage, which is quite the change from our loft that had next to none. so arian has been building his “man room” that has his office setup, all of his equipment and his very own closet. which means i am left with the bedroom closets and i can spreeeead my stuff out.

today i glanced over and saw him getting something out of his closet in the other room and felt kind of sad (ha!) it feels like we are so separated now. sort of like lucy and ricky in their own twin beds! i heard once that king size beds can cause a divide in a relationship (literally and physically) because you don’t even have to touch each other due to the size of your bed. so does that mean couples with full size beds are all cuddly and happy? i’ll compromise and keep the queen.

what do you think? does sharing things like bathrooms, closets and bed space keep you closer? or is this just silly?

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  • 1. rita  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    we struggled with this too… both wanted a full closet to ourselves but neither was willing to go to the other closet to get ready… and it felt like a weird separation when we did try it!

    we compromised by sharing both- our bedroom closet has all of our daily stuff and our 2nd bedroom closet has the rest of my shoes (that i tend to only wear on weekends, nights out, etc.) and the stuff we don’t wear as often- cocktail dresses, suits, stuff that is out of season, etc. i love it this way because now we can still get ready together!

  • 2. bri  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    yes rita! our “getting ready” time always had convos about our upcoming day, which i really liked. now i have to yell down the hall :) but the extra space sure is nice!

  • 3. Barret  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    We slept in a FULL for a long time and now have a Cal King…and honestly I think it has HELPED our relationship. Sure, we might have cuddled more and been literally more connected but NOW we don’t fight about someone reading late at night or snoring or rolling over or hogging the covers. We wake up refreshed and happy to have our own space and it’s fun when we DO meet up in the middle :)

    girlobsessed.blogspot.com

  • 4. rebecca  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    my husband has had a closet in a different room in every home we’ve lived in! (three so far). It makes a marriage (or partnership) nice and happy. happy wife, happy life. :) As for the queen bed? KEEP it. I really do think that Kings create a separation (at least for us they do)- plus you don’t want to change all of your bedding :)

  • 5. Emily  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I live in a 500 square foot studio with my BF and at first we were worried that it was going to be hard on us. While it’s not ideal, having to compromise has brought us closer. Now we joke about how weird it will be to be in separate rooms when we move into a one bedroom! Oh, and we have a full bed, haha.

  • 6. sheena // CT  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    We’re getting ready to move and I was debating this very thing. One of us is a bigger mess than the other (I won’t say who :P) so I thought separate closets might be a good thing. Isn’t that why master bathrooms now come with two sinks? :)

  • 7. agata  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    I definitely think there are times when your own space is important, but you have to be careful to not put too much distance between yourselves. Sharing space, routine and all of that means you spend more time together, bump into each other more and overall just see each other more often. It’s really an individual couple thing – it works for some and not for others.

    Some people go as far as to think each person in a family (even children) needs his/her own bedroom, bathroom, hang out area. But I think it takes away from the real community feel of a family for the sake of personal convenience and luxury.

    There are definite lines, but I don’t think you’re close to crossing any of them! It’s all about balance.

    - agata.

  • 8. Annie  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Without a shared intimate space (bed, bathroom), you’re just roommates.

    After moving from Manhattan to Minneapolis, my husband and I have tons of space now too. Although we share a closet for clothes, I have my own shoes, handbags, and coats closet in the spare bedroom. :) !

  • 9. Phoebe  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I say do what makes you happy. If you feel too separated from your man and would prefer the same closet, sink, etc., go for it. If you know you fight less when you have your own spaces, do that. Every couple is different! I know I would prefer my own sink and my own closet, though it doesn’t have to be in a separate room/bathroom.

  • 10. bri  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    sheena – in this case, I AM THE MESSY ONE! hanging up clothes has always been my downfall!

  • 11. Yelena  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I think the point you made about king size beds is completely valid. My boyfriend and I (and our dog) shared a full bed for over a year and recently upgraded to a queen. Let’s just say everyone is much happier. We have room to sprawl out now, and cuddling isn’t a necessity which makes it that much more special. A king just seems excessive.

  • 12. Amy  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    my boyfriend and i actually DOWNGRADED from a queen to a full. at first (just trying out the bed at the store), it didn’t seem like it would be that much of a difference.. boy, were we wrong! after you place your pillows and your shams, both of our feet hang off of the bed when we are sleeping (and i’m only 5’1″)! but i do agree with one part.. we have been super comfortable and cuddly now that we are sleeping on a full (or else one might fall off the bed!) now i feel so much closer to my boyfriend and sleep seems to be more warm and intimate, if that’s a thing. and i love it. <3

  • 13. nicole  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    i have so many opinions on this topic, through experience, that i am going to email you:) great points to get people thinking!

  • 14. Clara  |  August 15th, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    I’m a big believer in whatever works best for YOU when it comes to your relationship. It’s so easy to compare oneself to other couples but I really think it’s important to be realistic and recognize what you need to do for you to cultivate a healthy relationship. My boyfriend and I need to sleep in a king size bed- anything smaller and we’re miserable. We did a queen for a while and had terrible back pain and got zero sleep, which made us really irritable and not want to be around each other. We love having this massive bed that each gives us our own space, but also gives us lots of room to cuddle!

  • 15. Chelsea C.  |  August 15th, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    It’s so funny, because I feel like I know more couples now with the dude’s stuff in the spare room down the hall! It’s kind of a conundrum, but I guess I feel like there’s so much “together” time when you’re living with someone that maybe a little space is okay. Even if it’s just your dresses that get to spread out a bit!

  • 16. Kelli May-Krenz  |  August 15th, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I would not have his closet out of your bedroom. just saying. love him love his things. so much more intimate.

  • 17. cianne  |  August 15th, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    we are lucky enough to have TWO closets in one room. score. as for the bed, i definitely agree. we have a queen which feels perfect. when we stay in hotels and sleep in big beds, i feel like we are so far apart! i enjoy being able to reach over and snuggle. however, friends have told me the downside is after kids, a queen will be pretty crowded when everyone piles on! but for now, we are hanging on to the snuggle bed.

  • 18. la domestique  |  August 15th, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    My husband and I had the same issue when we moved into our new apartment a few months ago. Watching him leave the room in the morning to get his clothes ended up making me very sad, so I cleared out half the bedroom closet for his work clothes. Now he’s got what he needs on a daily basis in our bedroom, and everyone is happy.

  • 19. Kelly  |  August 15th, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Keeping some things separate and keeping a sense of yourself is important in a relationship, and can actually work for you instead of against you. I like some alone time. Like, I don’t want my husband hovering over me when I’m trying to watch Celebrity Ghost Stories and play on Pinterest, and I’m sure he doesn’t want me trying to talk about rugs and shit when he’s watching baseball. But then at the end of the day, we end up in our bed together and everything is yay. Some apart time makes you appreciate the togetherness time more.

    Except if anyone touches me when I’m trying to sleep I will murder them.

  • 20. Trish  |  August 15th, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    I think if you separate EVERYthing then that might lead to that accidental and unwanted separation in all aspects of the relationship. I’m not sure it’s even something you notice along the way, but instead once it’s gone too far.

    In my opinion, separate closets are a must if you are the type of gal who “collects” clothes and if the option is there. Everything else can and should be shared. Why live separate lives, share a bathroom, just not toothbrushes! :)

    As for the bed, king size is ok, so long as you make a point to snuggle. My boy and I like to snuggle as we’re getting to bed, then sleep happens and we almost always separate, and then we resume the spooning in the morning. I mean, who wants to be touched all night while they’re sleeping, anyway?

    It’s ok to want to have that space for your stuff and sleep, but it’s not really ok to always want space…

  • 21. Madison  |  August 15th, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Maybe you can compromise! Maybe you can keep the important stuff (it’s hard to pick, I know!) in the bedroom closet, and he will do the same, and then keep the less worn stuff, like fancier dresses or coats in the hallway closets! Then you will still get ready together, and still use the storage space! I think those little things really do add up in the end — it’s that little extra moment that you share. Life get’s so busy and it’s the little things that count! But I’m sure you guys will find your own way — just remember to do the little things!

  • 22. Tanicia  |  August 15th, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Wow- I don’t know much about closets and relationships, but boy does your closet look amazing! I love all those colors. Envy.

  • 23. kristina  |  August 15th, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    I honestly feel that you need to do what’s best for you and your mate because everyone is different. Whatever keeps the peace is what I recommend.. And sleeping in a king will not discourage cuddling in my opinion. You shouldn’t have to be “forced” to get close, it should be a choice. As for closets, again, whatever keeps the peace. If you have the space than why not has separate spaces? xx

  • 24. Queen Mother  |  August 15th, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    This is Bri’s Mom, and I did the Hers & Hers in our room, and my hubby took the closet in the spare bedroom. I didn’t feel sad because we do still share a bathroom, and that’s where we have our time to talk about our day. I remember looking at a 5 million dollar home once and instead of a bathroom with seperate sinks like lots of us had, it had his and hers bathrooms!!!! Completely separate! I thought that was going really TOO far!!!! Perfect for the couple that doesn’t actually doesn’t love each other! haha

  • 25. Queen Mother  |  August 15th, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Oh……..P.S. Now that I have back fat, I don’t really want him to see me dressing anyway. : ) haha

  • 26. Nadia  |  August 16th, 2012 at 4:12 am

    I think it can work – my husband and I have – each have our own home office and I love having a space filled with only my stuff as opposed to a mix of our tastes! I love all the colours in your wardrobe! Awesome! x

  • 27. Rachael B  |  August 16th, 2012 at 7:13 am

    I think the person who wrote that about a king bed didn’t have any children. We have a three year old and on occasion she snuggles in between my husband and I – therefore a king bed is almost a necessity for everyone to get a good night’s sleep. Also, my husband tends to sleep in an X formation – whereas I sleep in a straight line… so I’m still getting attacked by him mid sleep. I can’t imagine going back to a queen bed or anything smaller.

    As far as closets go, we just made sure we found a place with lots of them in each room. One wall in our bedroom is all closet and it’s already split in the middle. Half for him, half for me. :)

  • 28. Lottie  |  August 16th, 2012 at 7:35 am

    what works for us is having our stuff together, i love the ritual of getting ready together and that look when he realises that i am running about twenty minutes behind :)

  • 29. redwhitebride  |  August 16th, 2012 at 7:40 am

    we have separate closets (he has one closet and i have 3) and a king size bed. i have to spread my arms and legs to sleep comfortably and i cannot fall asleep while cuddling haha… and he’s super tall sometimes he sleeps a little diagonally.

  • 30. redwhitebride  |  August 16th, 2012 at 7:44 am

    forgot the bottom line: we’re fine with the arrangement. we’re always together anyway :) work together in the same department (same vacation days, same travel/conferences, etc.). i don’t think having separate closets and a king size bed makes us less “connected”

  • 31. Piper  |  August 16th, 2012 at 7:49 am

    So funny about the bed thing. When we were in a queen my husband wanted to get a bigger bed so we could have more room. I said I didn’t want to because I didn’t think we would cuddle anymore and that we wouldn’t be close. Now we have a HUGE bed and I am kicking him over to his side and nudging him when he snores. Is it the bed, or time or kids? Who knows. I still feel close, but there is less cuddling going on for sure.

  • 32. Sarah  |  August 16th, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Although still newlyweds, my husband and I didn’t even question the choice to keep separate closets. He collects clothing for a living so there was no other way! Once when I referred to putting something in “his room”, however, a friend chirped up and asked in a worried tone, “you have separate rooms?!”

  • 33. Erin  |  August 16th, 2012 at 9:53 am

    O I would love to have my own closet! It’s the bathroom I like to share. Our guest bth has a double sink but our master doesn’t. Weird. I like getting ready for work and then bed next to him. We have a king and manage just fine. We’re both way tall peeps too so I can’t imagine sharing a full. We did the when we first moved in together and it was more funny than relaxing.

  • 34. Mariah  |  August 16th, 2012 at 10:24 am

    We have a king size bed and I love it, mainly because I lay in the middle of the bed and he lays on his side! I do kind of miss our days cuddling in the full size bed, but I don’t think I could trade in my king!

  • 35. holly  |  August 16th, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Seperate closets are an absolute MUSt! Beds and bathrooms and pretty much everything else are ok to share and be small and cozy. I love brushing my hair and watching my boyfriend brush his teeth in the mornings. It’s a fun morning ritual.

    xx
    Holly Foxen Wells
    GlamourMash

  • 36. Kim  |  August 16th, 2012 at 11:48 am

    The first apartment I shared with my fiance we each had a healthy sized closet and it was amazing. I could organize, spread out and color code to my heart’s content. It was the biggest closet I have ever had and it spoiled me for life. Now we live in a Euro apartment with not one single closet that can accommodate hangers so we’ve crammed our poor clothing onto two racks in the utility closet. I steal hangers off his side every chance I get (sharing).

    So I guess my rambly moral here is live large (closet speaking!) when you can! You can always share a sink. And a bed, and occasionally dessert :) But a girl needs her own closet.

  • 37. Jaclyn  |  August 16th, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Unfortunately my husband had to give up his closet in the bedroom so I could take over the space. He’s been shunned to the office closet for now. I do wish our things mingled together a little more. I agree with the bed though. We have a queen and I like being a little closer rather than far away. The bathroom on the other hand…I would want my own any day!

  • 38. alanc230  |  August 16th, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    We have separate bathrooms…can’t imagine it any other way.

  • 39. CHICKYTHING  |  August 16th, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Yup big beds mean less intimacy.

  • 40. eat_design  |  August 16th, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Ha. What a colorful closet! <3

    After reading that bit about the King Size bed, I can totally relate. Every time my boyfriend and I stay in a hotel with a King size bed I have the worst time sleeping – I usually wake up swimming in the sheets trying to find him. It's cheestastic, and I'm not a huge sleepytime cuddlebug, but there is something comforting about knowing that special someone is close enough you could wiggle a toe and find theirs.

    I wouldn't worry about the split in closet space though… Having space to dress and get ready can be more fun — I miss the days when my boyfriend and I didn't share a bathroom or closet when we're getting dressed. There's something more exciting about date night when your man doesn't know what your hair, makeup and attire will be fun. ;)

  • 41. Lauren M.  |  August 16th, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    My husband and I have separate bathrooms and it works out just fine! I have plans for our master closet and they don’t involve his things. He has a closet in his office though, so he will be putting his things in there once I start renovating (he’s okay with it!) :)

  • 42. tabitha emma  |  August 16th, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    I once saw an interview with an famous elderly lady, who had been married a long time (which isn’t common in the world of fame), and they asked what her secret to a happy marriage was, and she said ‘having separate bathrooms’.
    The moral I think, is that it is good to have some personal space and a sense of mystery, rather than sharing everything, and becoming over familiar. I think its a balance thing, and every couple is different in how much personal space they require to still feel close but have a little mystery.

  • 43. Robyn  |  August 17th, 2012 at 5:05 am

    My husband and I have a little more ‘distance’ between us now that we don’t share bathrooms. But we do still share a closet that is way too small for even one of us. And I agree – I shall keep our queen too.

  • 44. Nicole  |  August 17th, 2012 at 10:47 am

    I would LOVE to have my own closet! We used the have our closet split 50/50, but now I have about 2/3 of the closet and he totally doesn’t mind. I will say when we moved in together and shared a full bed it was quite a struggle. He had always slept in the middle of his mattress so even though we fell asleep on our own sides we would both drift into the middle of the bed and then wake up and ask the other person to move back to their side, HAHA. Finally we couldn’t take it anymore and I insisted we upgrade. We love our new bed, but it did feel like we were so far away from each other at first. Can’t wait to see pictures of your new place :)

  • 45. jenn | scout  |  August 17th, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    shared a closet with my hubby when we first moved to our shoebox studo apartment in seattle 5 years ago….NIGHTMARE. vowed to never do it again and we’ve been happy every since. i like you get a little sad when I see him getting ready in the guest bedroom of our house now, but he swears it doesn’t bother him and i actually think he prefers having his own space and not being mashed into the madness of my closet! happy couple living Bre!

  • 46. Krysta  |  August 17th, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    We do separate closets in our current house- although we live in a older home so the closets are pretty small. My closet is actually in the guest room but my make-up, jewelry, etc are in and on the dresser in our room so we actually get ready in the same room- although let’s be honest we don’t use this as our quality time together as it takes my husband all of 5 minutes to get ready. We shared closet space in the tiny studio we lived in when we first moved in together and while it didn’t cause problems we just didn’t have enough space. I don’t think the closets in separate rooms feels lonely but we live in a smaller home where the rooms are just across the hall from each other.

  • 47. Brianna  |  August 20th, 2012 at 7:28 am

    My husband and I went from a one bedroom/one bath apartment to a four bedroom house. In our apartment, I sewed while he played computer games all in the same room. We were constantly together. Now, we each have our own separate rooms and sometimes I do miss him. So I take my hand sewing into his office and hang out in his big comfy chair while he’s on the computer, and I notice that every once in a while, he comes in and checks on me. We do plenty of things together, I don’t think you need to do everything together. The best part about having separate closets, it’s much easier to hide his Christmas presents!

  • 48. Gaby  |  August 20th, 2012 at 8:36 am

    i think a bed should be shared, and couples should touch. i also think a bathroom should be shared. i look at my friends who keep separate bathrooms from their significant others and im not jealous. i like the trials and tribulations of sharing a bathroom. but i dont think there is anything wrong with separate closets. i happen to own the closet in our office and dont think i would be as happy if we split the closet bedroom in half. no way!

  • 49. Samantha  |  August 23rd, 2012 at 6:31 am

    so cute and funny! i like knowing that my hubby is just near. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with separate closets. my hubs and i share a closet, but he wants his own bc i’m so messy. also, we went from a full to a king bed (much to my dismay). i was worried about the physical separation, but i’m constantly snuggling up to him so our ‘sleep footprint’ is the same (and my half of the bed is wide open)! LOL! :)

    xo, sam

  • 50. MAKE IT / 19 | D E S I G &hellip  |  September 14th, 2012 at 9:06 am

    [...] closets in my new room are white and simple (see here)…but that doesn’t mean the door handles have to be. we replaced my shiny silver round [...]

  • 51. Chick Tyler  |  September 14th, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    Dude and I have the tinniest apartment but a surprisingly large walk-in closet. I get half which is almost enough for me plus the closet in my home office.

    Sharing the walk-in has been stress free but can I just say that sharing a small bathroom with him is less than fun? I rather have my own bathroom over closet!

  • 52. Eden Marie  |  March 31st, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    Just read through this post! Gotta say, I love having a full size bed! My husband and I have our own space, but whenever I wake up we’re snuggling. It keeps you close to one another! :) xo

  • 53. Comment avoir des codes P&hellip  |  January 8th, 2014 at 2:25 am

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    HAPPY COUPLE SOLUTION OR? | D E S I G N L O V E F E S T

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